Letters to the Intoxicated Empire of Great Britain
by AK-chan5
Summary: England is now drunk out of his mind and accepting letters from whoever's willing to write. Warning, for there will be sexual references, curse words, actual cursing, and crack. A lot of it.
1. Prologue

Hey! America here!

For reasons that I prefer stay unknown, I decided to do this thing where I'll show my good friend England some letters... While he's wasted! So, for anyone who wants to help me out, please send him some letters. I'll make sure to show it to him once we had a few drinks. Who knows, he might write back. Or not. Depends...

And don't be afraid to hold back cuz he probably won't even remember it the next day! :P

Just write to him.

Sincerely  
The Hero!


	2. animefrek 1

_animefrek:Hey iggie how bigs ur...um...how I ask this?hahahajaj_

* * *

animefrek... I've no ide a wnat y ou're sayin g  
Pleaz be mor e elaborate nex ttime  
And whatt he bloody hellis animefrek?

* * *

**A/N:  
**For those who were wondering, the bad writing was done on purpose.

I just figured someone wouldn't exactly have perfect penmanship when they're as drunk as England is here (which is REALLY drunk). Then again, I could be wrong. I've never actually seen someone write when they're drunk, nor have I attempted it myself...

Translation:  
_animefrek... I've no idea what you're saying.  
__Please be more elaborate next time.  
__And what the bloody hell is animefrek?_


	3. CookieBirdGirl 1

_If England is a mainly Christion country and some Christions don't drink, how does that equal an ahcolalic empire?_

* * *

Dear CookieBirdGirl

I don' t know.  
I'mn ot even sur e if im cathlic or protastnt.  
Can' t thin k anymore. My head real ly hurts rig ht now.

* * *

Translation:  
_Dear CookieBirdGirl_

_I don't know.  
__I'm not even sure if I'm Catholic or Protestant.  
__Can't think anymore. __My head really hurts right now._


	4. Prussia 1

_Hello England,_

_I guess you're not as awesome as me when it comes to drinking. I can drink thirty bottles of beer and still be sober. Not as awesome as me are you? I bet Hungary and even Austria can drink more than you!_

_P.S. I AM AWESOME!_

_Prussia_

* * *

Dear Prussia,

Muzt you alwa ys be sucha prat?

I ca n drink thrty bottel s of beer too. In fac t, Ican drink thir ty ONE! Ha!

Its just tha t America or whovert he hell Im drinking wit h takes the six one beause the ythink I will pass out.

Bloody giiiiiiiits.

P.S. Fuck you  
England

* * *

Translation:  
_Dear Prussia,_

_Must you always be such a prat?_

_I can drink thirty bottles of beer too. In fact, I can drink thirty ONE! Ha!_

_It's just that America or whoever the hell I'm drinking with takes the sixth one because they think I will pass out._

_Bloody gits._

_P.S. Fuck you  
__England_


	5. NinjaRoll 1

_Hi there Iggy!_

_So America told me not to hold back on questions so..._

_What were your favorite things about being a pirate and do you really hate America? Or do you still love him as ur little brother?_

_Thanks! and hope ur headache goes away soon!_

* * *

Hello NinjaRoll.

Ire eally miss being a pirate. I cou ld drink asm uch azI want and noone wood giv e a sht. Excpett he bloody navy. I hate them.  
Thre's alsot the pret ty merm aids who woul d help pople woh felloff. I liket hem.

An dI'll hav you know t hat I do not atall hate America! He willa alays be my litle brother!  
Even ifhe is an idi ot who doesnt relise he need sme!

I don not get waht America ha s todo with holding backon qustio ns though. He' sright behimd me now.I'll ask him.  
Hes ays he doesnt know. Areyo u sure you gott the right America?

Tan ks for worring ab out me and my hea dache. Its notas bad now.  
America say s "Hi".

Sincerly,  
England

* * *

Translation:  
_Dear NinjaRoll,_

_I really miss being a pirate. I could drink as much as I want and no one would give a shit. Except the bloody navy. I hate them.  
__There's also the pretty mermaids who would help people who fell off. I like them._

_And I'll have you know that I do not at all hate America! He will always be my little brother!  
__Even if he is an idiot who doesn't realise he needs me!_

_I do not get what America has to do with holding back on questions though. He's right behind me now. I'll ask him.  
__He says he doesn't know. Are you sure you got the right America?_

_Thanks for worrying about me and my headache. It's not as bad now.  
__America says "Hi"._

_Sincerely,  
__England_


	6. Guest 1

_okay, I've got something to ask him! ahem... "I was talking to this British person not too long ago, and they've don't know what a scone it XD Can you imagin? Also, why do you call a 'bang' a 'fringe'?"_

* * *

Dear Guest,

I think ther real qestion shoul dbe "why do y ou call 'friges' 'bangs'"?

No.I cann ot imagne someone nevr hearing ofa scone before. Espcial lynot someone f rom my coutry. Wait... I'n a es that mean peopl e live inside me?

* * *

Translation:  
_Dear Guest,_

_I think the real question should be "Why do you call 'fringes' 'bangs'"?_

_No. I cannot imagine someone never hearing of a scone before. Especially not someone from my country. Wait... I'm a country. Does that mean people live inside me?_


	7. Belgium 1

_I'll say this once, and only once. I find your eyebrows attractive._

_I hope you forget this in the morning_

_From,  
__Belgium  
__P.S. Don't tell Spain!_

* * *

Dear Belgium,

Wahta coincidence! I findm y eyebro ws attr actve too!  
Ia lso like yor ribbn hedband thingy.

Anddo not worry, I wontt tell Spain. Only if yo u dont tell him that Iwas behnd th e atacks on his merchnt shi ps allt thos years ago.

And dontt tell America tht I coplimentd your hair ribon thingy. Don'tw ant him gettng the rong idea.

From Arthur  
P.S. Dpn't be afrraid to sa y anything mor ethan once.  
P.s. imm not sure waht iw ill and will n ot forgte.

* * *

Translation:  
_Dear Belgium,_

_What a coincidence! I find my eyebrows attractive too!  
__I also like your ribbon headband thingy._

_And do not worry, I won't tell Spain. Only if you don't tell him that I was behind the attacks on his merchant ships all those years ago._

_And don't tell America that I complimented your hair ribbon thingy. Don't want him getting the wrong idea._

_From Arthur  
P.S. Don't be afraid to say anything more than once.  
P.S. I'm not sure what I will and will not forget._


	8. ANNOUNCEMENT

**A/N:  
**Thank you all for your support! When I came up with the idea, I really didn't think I'd get this much letters in such a short amount of time.

I'm sorry for saying this so suddenly, but I will be taking some time off this fic for a while. It was sort of my fault for starting this when I was supposed to be working on a pretty important assignment... -_-  
But like I said, I didn't think I'd get 19 letters in just three days. THREE. DAYS. D8  
I'm not sure if that's a lot for letter fanfics, but it's just a bit too much for me to handle right now.

Anyway, feel free to send more letters if you want, although I most likely won't respond to them immediately. Speaking of which, I'd really appreciate it if you send your letters via PM from now on. This is just so that I don't get any more hate from a certain user whose name will not be mentioned (*cough*I'm Soup a Man*cough*). Or anyone similar to him(?), at least.

Thank you! =3


End file.
